So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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