i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
