Say something about gay babies.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
