He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
