So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
