Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
