yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
