just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
