you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
