Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize