Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
