dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize