i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
