Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
