Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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