PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
