let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
