Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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