i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
