Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
