Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
