He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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