Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
