So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
