Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
