im drinking this country out of the recession.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
