Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He better not be in your backpack
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I had to cum in my sink.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
