time to smoke my breakfast
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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