I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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