You work out of a Hotel?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
