Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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