Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
