Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
