i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
