yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
