so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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