matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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