i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Drunk is a universal language darling
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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