I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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