Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
