If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
