there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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