Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
that's an acceptable place to lick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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