No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
