Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The air was thick with penises
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
