I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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