And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
