she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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