So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
