I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
