"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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