if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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