Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
