All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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