It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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