I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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