it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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