Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
