I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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