I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
