you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
