And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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