I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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