This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
