i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I AM VODKA MAN
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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