You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
