I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
