Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
